Cornerman

Quantity over quality

One of the things I doubt is the quality of my creative output. Whether it’s my writing, my pictures or my writing skills, I often have doubts about the quality of the work. Especially with my music, and the main reason I almost never share anything.

I really want to change this. I strive for perfection in everything and while pursuing perfection I often trow away ideas or keep tweaking to find it. For some reason I am more easy going in other areas, like writing. Probably because I feel I am somewhat better at it which makes it easier for me to share.

Society teaches us that everything must be ‘perfect’, what this ‘perfect’ is nobody tells you. And while striving for perfection a lot of good ideas are lost and the art of experimentation is lost.

Science teaches us something else. If you want to be good at something, you need to practice a lot. You increase your skills by doing and while doing you learn from your mistakes. By sharing your work you give others the opportunity to give feedback, which is another opportunity to learn.

In Japan it’s very normal to accept the beauty of imperfection, wabi-sabi, the acceptance and transience of imperfection. In art it’s often described as ‘imperfect beauty’ or ‘flawed beauty’ it emphasizes the process of making a piece of art resulting in an art piece that is ultimately incomplete.

We don’t have this in western cultures, which is a real shame. Our need for perfection puts the break on our output. Or as Voltaire said it “the best is the enemy of the good”. Things don’t have to be perfect. In life and especially in all forms of creative output perfection is a debatable concept.

So why do I struggle so much with sharing my music? I think it is because music is very valuable to me. I have so much great memories attached to music. and music has gotten me through some hard times that all my musical output seems pale in comparison, will it ever be good enough to evoke any emotion?

This sounds a bit heavy but that’s how I feel about it. I need to let this feeling go and start sharing my creations. Even if it’s just a loop or an unfinished piece of music. Striving for perfection is something I need to let go and focus on improving by making a lot of stuff. Quantity over quality, in order to improve my skills and let go of my fear of sharing. The quality will come over time.

Consistency is key, don’t keep focussing on goals.

Music making is an art, and behind any great art there is a lot of skill. So instead of focussing on the art and my goals I have to focus on developing my skills. Whether it be mastering an instrument of choice or knowing how to operate any part of the music making process.

Having goal is something I need, and while I am excellent at making a plan and working towards this goal, my lack of focus on my musical skillsets has set me back in achieving these goals.

I forgot how important it is to be fluent at something. I have always compared my music making process with developing solutions, whether it be in software or writing a proposal or technical design for something.

All the while forgetting the amount of time spent doing it and improving my skills by simply doing it. Not having any big goals. When I started out learning how to program, I just spent hours trying to get something to work. At some point writing becomes second nature and when you have come up with the solution to a problem. Writing about the solution and creating the end product become much easier.

Most of the time spent isn’t learning a language, but finding the right path towards a solution.

My music making process should be the same, I have an idea and figure out which of the tools I need, or just fire up some instruments and simply start writing anything. And see what comes out of it. Which I do for fun as well with programming or anything else. Just doing it to get something going.

The problem I face with my musical endeavors is that I don’t nearly have as much hours of doing music as I have done with any of my other skills.

So it’s time to start and simply work on learning the skill of making music without any goals directly in mind. Not forcing the focus on my goals but focus on getting better. consistency is the name of the game, with anything but especially with learning a new skill. So I will just focus on constant work.

Just like I did with everything else. Just did not know it at the time.

Music projects some thoughts on progress and goals.

Getting back in music is a bit harder than expected. I still have trouble listening to music for a longer period of time. Especially when working on music. Sound designing and listening to loops and getting stuff done.

So I am currently working on learning Max MSP so that I can work on music without the sound. Which is a bit of a paradox.

What I can’t let go are my goals. Simply because having my goals is the driving force behind it all. Somehow I will loose my consistency if I do that. It might seem strange, because just messing around with a drummachine is a lot of fun. But the fun alone isn’t enough for me to work on music on a regular basis. I easily skip it when I am not feeling it.

So I keep music making in my planning, and work on it at least 3 times a week for short amounts of time, preventing any problems that might arise.

I am optimistic that at some point I can increase the work and listen to music for longer periods of time again. Which then automatically gets me closer to my musical goals.

A side project, The Creditcard Hedgefund

I like finance and learning about it, used to write about this topic here as well. I was thinking about getting back into the topic when I stumbled upon substack. Which is a platform for writers. I thought I might try this out and start a little experiment.

My real long term investment plan is really simple, buy an index fund and hold it. The main goal for my investment is to work on my pension. Long term boring stuff, which to my mind is a good thing.

On the other hand, a more active approach can ben fun as well, and very hard to do. As well as the fact most people with an active approach lose money or underperform a simple index fund.

But I am going to test this myself with paper short term (day)trading. And to give Substack a go I set it up there.

Researching the topic of day trading this reddit came up, and made a lot of sense. So I took this as a starting point for my own adventures.

Keep in mind that nothing on here or on my Substack should be taken as investment advice, please do your own research and due diligence, or consult a professional.

With this warning out of the way, I will outline the idea. The credit card hedgefund is an experiment to see if I can make a profit while actively trading my portfolio. The name comes from the budget I set myself to start out with, my credit card limit of € 3500.

It’s all done on paper, no real trades or real money is at stake. I might do that later on or try other strategies but time will tell.

I need to trade 3 months and make 100 trades and be profitable. There are some more specifications, but read all about it on my Substack.

Max MSP a learning journey

As some older followers of this blog know I have been learning Max MSP. Which now has more focus since I can work on projects without sound. I have been looking at various ways to keep it going and not having to stop due to insufficient cognitive energy.

I have been working on a new way of daily planning which involves shorter time frames and more of them, which has some advantages and disadvantages. The biggest advantage is the continuous workflow. The short instances the biggest drawdown.

Max MSP itself for me has a steep learning curve, although the help files and the various books on it are great, I am going to try and fund some one on one teaching to get up to speed. Hopefully this will help.

I have dusted off an old looper project, my first idea for building tracks based on loops recorded from a Eurorack system. It was a pretty big system I had in mind which I now scaled down to make it functional as soon as possible.

Momentum is key now, otherwise I will keep trying to bite off more than I can chew. I will also try and compose and share some stuff from this setup.

Less is more

The larger the setup the more options I have. Which I absolutely love. However this also has a time implication, more of my limited time and energy will go into setting up and learning how to use it. I have tried to use a limited set of tools before which quickly escalated into much larger setups.

I am not very good in keeping a small setup and focussing on just that setup. Which is a bit weird as my discipline is pretty good. I can keep to my planning. I suppose this is because I love my toys. I am like a little kid in a toy store which is allowed to play with anything. And this does not yield any result. Just a lot of unfinished sketches.

So this time I absolutely need to keep my setup small and learn it inside out. which will be my focus the coming month. I keep my timelines a bit wider as last time I got frustrated with not achieving my goals. In retrospect I had too many things I wanted to get done in too little time.

This time that has to change. There is a lot to do which will take time. That’s just how it is.

Slowly back at it.

It has been a while and I have been thinking about how to make this blog an interesting place again for people to visit and keep it fun for me to get some writing out there.

This has always been just a personal page, simply sharing whatever I wanted on the subjects I am interested in. Which are music, running (and other sports), finance and all sorts of other things.

I also shared some of my more personal things such as my brain damage. I mostly struggle with on a day to day basis. This also being the reason for my absence of late.

Been dabbling in music and keeping you updated om my progress or lack thereof has helped me greatly, It was a structured endeavor which really helps me.

Unfortunately I struggled with sound and processing sound in my brain a lot and my appetite for doing music and keeping up this blog faded rapidly.

I am slowly getting back to working on music again, and I will have a go at blogging as well. I might just write on lots of other subjects as well. Just to keep the blog momentum going. Let’s see how this all goes. For now I am, be it cautious, back.

Forced break from music & blogging

It has been a while, due to some unforeseen issues with my brain damage resulting in a intolerance for sound I had to step away from music, and blogging fell to the side as well. They’re just wasn’t enough I wanted to talk about or get out there.

Brain damage is a fickle partner to live with. No matter how hard you work at maintaining your balance, sometimes out of nowhere problems arise. And you never know when they end and how long the good streak lasts.

In order to maintain some rhythm of work going I read more and got my exercise up. Mostly this leads to improvements on the long run. I am currently on the way back and try and listen to music and went out to the cinema for some non action movies on downtimes.

I have also written down lots of ideas which I can incorporate into my music. Which will be soon I hope.

Music gear favorites – Elektron Machinedrum

I really like musical gear, and I must admit I buy stuff too frequently and don’t take enough time to get into the newly acquired tools. Sometimes I postpone buying things for a long time due to the fact I am well aware of this behavior.

I have always wanted a Elektron Machinedrum since it’s release back in , it was an expensive machine and looked pretty complicated to me. So it was easier leaving it alone a.k.a. not buying it.

Around 2016 or thereabouts there was a moment you could buy it at a discounted price from Elektron as it was going out of production. That was the moment I snapped one up.

Then it pretty much disappeared in a cupboard after my initial attempts at getting aquatinted with it. I simply didn’t get it. The thing I was afraid of in the first place. Every once in a while I got it out and forced myself learning the machine. And at some point it started to make sense, very slow and with intervals.

Now I regularly get it out and learn more about working with it. I think its an underrated drummachine and the range of sounds you can get out of it is vast. Also the Elektron sequencer adds to the versatility of the machine and range of options.

It should be on everyones wish list just like the classic drummachines like the 808 & 909. Why ? Because the whole machine was a totally different take on drum synthesis and sequencing drummachines which was not done before. If this would’ve appeared at the time of the 808 & 909 it would result in bringing it’s own landmark stamp on music, just like those classis machines.

We all too often compare alle drummachines after those 2 classis which gave birth to electro , house & techno and shaped dance music for decades. But this machine deserves being viewed as an dare I say independent machine with its own purpose in making futuristic music.

I think it’s time for the Machinedrum to take a more central role as the drummachine to shape future sounds. It’s very capable of doing this.

Embracing imperfection

Perfection is something we all strive for, yet a lot of beauty can be found in imperfection. Perfection is a never ending story, and in pursuing perfection you can get paralyzed and not finish anything.

Finishing and letting go is one of the most important things in life, whether it is in life, work and art. At some point things are finished, as close to perfect as it can be at that moment in time. It deserves to be out there.

What is perfection anyway? Isn’t there always something to strife for? Sharpening your skills and growing into a better artist, person , or professional ?

Imperfection is a beautiful thing, just like happy accidents, or random occurrences. It’s everyday life. Embracing imperfection is embracing life. Everything needs an end, a finish.

Letting go of perfection is letting go of parts of uncertainty, self-doubt and insecurities. It takes more than striving for perfection and never releasing things.
The finish line will be pushed further everyday anyway, and releasing your art into the world will contribute to your growth as an artist in pursuit of the ultimate piece of art. Your perception of perfection, and once it’s there, you will find new goals and pursue your newly minted definition of perfection.

Which does not mean I am there yet, this just hot me when reading and studying psychological reactions on uncertainty, self-doubt and setting high standards for oneself. So I got to work on how I can release my own music faster and with less discomfort about my own skills and my own fight with perfection. And as I am writing this I am still a bit on the fence about the whole thing, while I know I need to do it to get things out there.

Practically this means setting certain deadlines for myself. Limiting the amount of time spent on a piece of art, resources and ideas I incorporate.

For example, and I will take a framework for music as I know this area better than let’s say writing a novel. Take just a few instruments , or even just one. Give yourself a framework in which you will finish the track. Tempo, length, genre maybe and set a limit , let’s say 14 days. Divide this 14 days into a few blocks. A few days for Sound design, recording, arranging, mixing and administrative tasks. Then after you have done all those things, release it. And don’t look back.

See if this framework needs any updates in it’s parameters. Adjust and move onto the next project. In this way you will learn to embrace imperfections and letting go. And you will learn a lot about your creative process as well. Above all you will learn too see the beauty in imperfection. And thus see the beauty in life.