Lifestyle – Cornerman

Trying to do too much, taking more time

It’s been a while, I have been experimenting with different forms of outlets and doing more writing and research on other topics rather than music and other creative things. Well to be fair, most things I do require creativity.

I got lost like a kid in a candy store and I took a break. I stopped doing all the little projects and archived most of it. Then I just focussed on learning, reading and thinking.

This reset was interesting in a few ways. It made me rethink why I do things, why I get distracted a lot and can’t seem to find the focus when results are not achieved.

Not that it’s a bad thing perse, I have fun doing all these little things. The only problem is that I don’t get to learn as much as I want on the few main interests that I have.

The other thing I learned was that I don’t take enough time, I have always tried to focus on the process, and not let the goals become too dominant. But a lot of the time these goals and the lack of results got in the way.

It might be because everything these days, and have been for decades is result driven. Everything is not aimed at results, not towards the learning process and making the best possible art, product or service. Which inevitably leads to less time for learning and expanding your skills.

While I was trying to make room for learning and not pay as much attention to the results and goals I have, it took over nonetheless. Leaving me frustrated and aiming for other projects which did produce results.

The time off has reset my focus and made it possible for me to let go of the output and result driven path a bit better. I am not there yet, but I am learning to manage my emotions better.

New ideas and a fresh perspective for 2025

It’s been a minute since my last post on here. I have been working on some new ideas and projects which are smaller in scope and easier to work on for me. My last few projects were way too big in scope and very complicated to get out to the world, for me personally at least.

Going into the new year I am putting no pressure on timelines and the focus is going to be on the process. With the goals as guidance. Whatever gets finished, gets finished. I don’t know how my energy will be and this way I will loose the frustration if I don’t reach my goals. I am pretty good in shaking these feelings of frustration but if I can avoid them I will.

My ideas so far are focussed on learning my tools. The output is less important, up until now I was focussed on the end result and I wanted to get there as fast as possible. The problem is that I didn’t get to know my tools, and time was lost in searching for ways to get my ideas out. I am turning this around, I will let my learning process dictate the ideas I can work on and finish.

So how I am going about getting my learning process in the right shape for me. Let’s see.

Consistency

The most important thing in getting better at anything, which I lack in making music, working on it consistently. All other things I ever got any good at, I worked on in a continuous way. With music, somehow that has always been an issue. I think because I have always done music as a hobby, as an outlet. And never had any intention of releasing anything. This has somewhat changed and I have had periods of consistency in working on music. I have already talked about not viewing it as a hobby anymore, but more as a project. Which has been somewhat successful in getting more consistency in me working on music.

But this has not been enough to get anything going in a way I can easily get my ideas translated into music. Which is always an approximation because you can never get it to sound exactly as it sounds in your head, well at least I can’t.

So more consistent in learning my tools and fixed amount of hours, and getting the work in is the most important for this year.

Minimizing the set of tools

I don’t have a big set of gear, but nevertheless it’s too much. It’s too much to learn in a year. I have always been looking for new gear and interesting ways to use it. The problem is I tend to switch way too much between the tools. One day I make music with these 3 devices, the next day it’s a totally different set of tools.

I have to make a few decisions on what I am going to use and not change it anymore. I have been contemplating selling everything else, but that’s not how I want to gather the discipline.

Small goals

The last few years I have been working on one big project, which is cool as thinking about concepts and sketching is a very nice way to gather my thoughts and make sure I can work on music when I can’t stand sound. Which is pretty often unfortunately, but it also holds me back. Simply because of the size and scope.

I now have to define smaller projects, things I can actually finish and be in line towards the bigger goals. defining a growth path for myself with smaller, manageable milestones.

I am hoping this will make it easier to maintain the workflow, consistency and eventually leads to results.

Moving forward

I have always been doubtful on my musical skillset, the amount of deleted or abandoned projects in my folders is pretty large. I intend to work on releasing more music, whether it’s finished or not. Just to see if I can let it go and call something a demo, work in progress, or finished product and share it.

How I don’t know yet, as the landscape for releasing your creative output is constantly shifting. But this will be something to think about in the future. I am also working on a new format to talk about my music on here. Writing more about the process and progress and the tools I use and am learning how to use. I have not yet found a way to do this and keep it fun to read.

But I will, until next time.

Reflecting on 2024 and moving forward in 2025

As the year’s end is upon us, it’s time to reflect on the year and think about the goals and processes for next year. I am not one for reminiscing but it’s always good to learn from your mistakes and take a good notion of all things that went great, mediocre or downright bad.

I am a firm believer in this quote of Thomas Edison, “I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.”

The key to this is that you learn from your mistakes, and a lot of people have no way to learn from their failures as they have no process in place to document any of the steps they take. Even in creative professions and hobby’s (Which I don’t do anymore really, I look at most things in terms of projects. Which leads to better results and ultimately more fun) it is very important to find out what works for you, and how you can build a better process.

Consistency is key, which I have always known and experienced in running, my revalidation process and day to day life. I have not really applied it to hobby’s and creative projects I did until a few years ago.

This year the consistency in music making has gone up, and the biggest improvement in the process is the new creative space. Which has had a very positive impact on everything in the short spaces it’s finished. Next year this will make an even bigger impact.

I have not met my goals this year but I have learned how to be consistent and better at working on the mundane tasks that every creative process and project have, I have organized my output better, done some more in taking notes on ideas and making sure I have a way to find them when I need them. The whole process is much more in sync. All in all I am pretty happy about 2024.

2025

So next year, I have some ideas which I will finalize next week, I am not sure which I will pursue first, it’s a bit random at the moment so I might take January as the month to get the list of ideas in order and set up the environment and plan on how to execute them. Besides music I need some alternative projects so I can switch between activities when I am not able to do music. As my brain damage is an unpredictable factor in everything.

So I need alternatives, so writing, coding and drawing are good contenders as these things can be done most of the time. Projects in these areas also need consistency so I will plan them regardless. It sounds like a lot and maybe it is. But I am giving it a good go.

I would also like to connect with other creative people to learn from them and maybe help them grow and build the right process for them to build a better working environment and process. I have no idea how I am going to do this but it’s something I have been thinking about.

Moving forward is the most important, moving forward can only be done when learning from the past.

Slow and steady

Progress, I am a little late with this weeks update and I have nothing big to report other than I have been going thru boxes and cleaning everything out I have no use for anymore. Which helps with creating space for other things. Mainly mentally as I have postponed this tedious task for a long time. Not finished yet but I am getting there one box at a time.

I have however maintained my weekly minimal hours I have set for working on music or music related things. This mainly being connecting everything up with cables and re arranging everything a few times. I am not there yet workflow wise.

It has been fun discovering how a space influences my thinking on future stuff I want to do. As it is not only a music making space but also needs to be a home office, writing and reading room and in the future once my movements improve a space for drawing. A swift way to transform the space is vital in that respect.

It’s a work in progress, slow and steady. More news on this and other topics next week. See you next week.

Wiring everything up

Building the creative space is entering it’s final stages. I have set some of my equipment up and after some back and forth I have decided on a semi permanent set up.

What I am working on at the moment is wiring everything up as nice as possible. Which is a bit of a laborious task. And while I like tinkering, wiring is not one of my favorite things to do. Considering incorporating a patchbay into it all for flexibility. But getting my head around how I want it is not that easy.

The best way for me is if I can use everything in Ableton at route it however I want it. But that needs some figuring out. To be continued.

That was most of my week, however I have been doing some manual reading as well, mainly my beloved Machinedrum, which I need to dive into some more. I really love all the Elektron machines and I have some part of the sequencer in my head, there is still lots out there with triggers, LFO’s and all sorts.

Simply reading the manual is a bit of a dry exercise but I hope some of it sticks.
That was pretty much all I have done this week. I hope to finish the work on the studio before the end of this year and I can start sharing some music next year.

Creative space almost finished

Almost done, a few minor and one major thing still needs to be finished but I can start working on decorating the space and making sure I have a nice workflow. I am taking my time as this is something that needs some careful thinking and experimenting.

I am collecting some nice inspirational pictures from the internet and making a mood board. It’s also great to watch architecture, studio and gallery videos on Youtube fore some insight into how other people deal with space and creativity.

I will however move my desk and setup some basic workstation as soon as possible. So I can start working in the space. This will help me with deciding what I want to do with the space.

Lot’s to do but I am in no particular hurry. On the music side of things I am working on learning Max MSP and designing my output channels. Like band camp, an addition to this website for sharing my music and setting up a Git for the sharing of some of my musical coding and other things people might be able to learn from.

I am also thinking on starting a Patreon page for something completely different, more on that in the future. For now I have plenty of work to do and this will keep me busy.

Building things is always fun, that’s why making music, art & code is at the hart of what I love to do. It just needs a bit more focus. Which I sometimes lack. In other areas I am very focused but with music, art and in some ways code I miss the edge. Mostly because of a lack of energy. Luckily I have writing which helps me gather my thoughts and have a fixes moment to reflect. Not just on this page, but I keep a diary as well.

This brings me back to another important thing in my life, notebooks. I love writing down ideas so I always carry a notebook. I find writing ingrains my thinking much more than when I type it into a note on my phone. Which I still do a lot as well, but I have to make sure I come back to them later.

With my notebooks I don’t have that problem, I also re write notes into notebooks I keep and make sure I reorganize my thinking and add to my ideas. It’s a big part of my creative process. It’s also very relaxing. I find that taking time to do things right gives me better results.

Now I have to go and start building my desk 😉 See you all next week.

Creative space, progress and Max MSP 9

It’s been a few weeks since my last blog, been recovering from my marathon and had a pretty busy schedule where music making and learning about music took a bit of a backseat.

The creative space is almost done, unfortunately delivery of some parts has been delayed so the finishing touches can’t be completed. Hopefully at the end of next week we will be finished and I can start furnishing the space. Which is about time as I am done getting everything out of storage and setting up everything if I want to do something. It’s costing me too much energy and takes the fun out of it.

A little bit of wait but then my working space is there.

Max MSP 9

The new release of Max MSP came as a bit of a surprise to me. I am nowhere near an expert on Max but this update seems like a big step forward, especially in Jitter and the addition af Ableton’s ABL library for DSP, which allows for the direct use of Ableton effects in Max.

Also there is a code box where you can work on code for Gen, javascript and other stuff in Max. I am not there yet as my skillset is lacking bit these additions seem very cool and useful.

It’s a never-ending tool for making musical productions, with visuals, instruments and so on.

Besides all this work on Max, all the learning resources and help stuff has been updated, integrated in max and redesigned on the website. It’s the perfect starting point for anyone wanting to start and learn Max MSP. I have said it before it’s a big learning curve. At least for me, but it’s very rewarding and can be used for anything you can think of. Especially for building your own musical and visual environments and in interaction with hardware in a way that is custom to you.

It is overwhelming at first, by doing it opens up more and more avenues for creativity as you go along. I am looking forward to learning more and diving into this new version.

Some other thoughts

The state of the world is not great at the moment, rising far right autocracy and the devastating effects of global warming are taking a toll on a lot of people. Not to mention the ongoing wars around the globe and the dangers of more conflict looming every day. Sometimes it’s very hard to focus on the things you want to do in life and work on. I have that exact same problem.

But as I am limited severely in energy I need to focus on what I can control and work on. For me meditation works very well. I have mentioned the benefits of meditation more often but this is as good a time as any to talk about it again.

As it brings me right back into the here and now. It’s only 12 minutes a day for 5 days per week. So you can even skip two days, and maintain this for a few months, at first you will not notice the benefits. But after some time and keep the 5 times a week going and you will start to feel a shift. And for me this was a real eye opener.

More about this and about the science behind it in the excellent book Peak mind by Amish Jha

Give it a go and keep at it, see you all next time.

Something completely different, Marathon adventures.

I run, which I love, and is also a necessity to keep the fall out of my brain damage under control. Running reduces the pressures in my head and also builds new neurological paths I can then try and use for getting my skills on a higher level. The mind and body combination is very important, for everyone but especially me.

So last week (and this week) has been all about running. I usually try and run one marathon a year and last Sunday was the one for this year, the ASML Eindhoven marathon. 40th edition and a new parcours. So a nice weekend in Eindoven with a visit to the van Abbe museum, some food, family & friends and a run on Sunday.

Temparatures where absolutely perfect, a bit chilly at the beginning bit ones underway this went away pretty quickly, 12 degrees celsius is pretty spot on. Figured out a pace in the first few miles and decided to try and stick to it. Which I could, even without experiencing the energy dip after 30K. Mostly this is the point after which my energy levels are depleted and at some random point (32, 34, 36) I seem to loose all forward momentum, I basically feel like I am not able to move forward anymore. This did not happen and I could keep the pace, even at the busy last few kilometers towards the finish.

Very happy with the result, no records broken at 3:21:47 but this was a finish I would not have predicted at the start, way above my expectations.

Afterwards some drinks and bites with family & friends, and a very big breakfast the next morning. This is one for the books. A great weekend.

The Max MSP wormhole is a happy place

Getting deeper into Max MSP Is really cool. I am getting better at patching and using the help and other resources such as books in figuring out what I need to achieve my ideas. The biggest win is that I can make notes directly as patches. I am getting more familiar with the names of the objects.

While it takes a lot of time to learn Max, at least for me, it’s a very good way to learn about sound design and synthesis. And I can work on it very consistently, When I can’t listen to music, I can patch, or read and learn. So it’s the biggest constant factor in my musical journey.

It might be a controversial statement, but if you start out with a computer, daw, and Max MSP you have a life long journey. while I love hardware and love playing around with them. If I would start out today I would buy a laptop, a DAW and a MAX MSP license.

After that the biggest investment will be books and resources. At the moment all my hardware is in storage and this is the only thing I have. And the focus is very cool. The possibilities are endless but I have a process where I can minimize my options and focus on a single idea.

I will still install my hardware in my new studio, but I don’t think I will be buying any hardware anymore going forward. I have years of learning and fun with the stuff I have. Even just Max MSP contains a limitless space for developing ideas and making music. Or other art installations.

Now I am confined in the MAX world I am learning pretty fast, and it’s great fun. It also gives a lot of room for interaction with visuals, via jitter, making your own instruments and combine external gear with interfaces and the newly released RNBO, which let’s you export patches to a raspberry pi, the web and others to create stand alone instruments or art installations. All very cool stuff.

It also gives more room for my original ideas around ever evolving instruments and output to different media. I will share some patches open source in the future. Or maybe I will start by documenting my own learning curve, however not sure if that is of interest to anyone. Lot’s of ideas going through my brain this week. Less is more, it certainly gives me more ideas. Now I need to limit my enthusiasm and focus on small steps.

Single machine music, learning music tech before the internet.

I used to think the music I listened to came from one machine, mostly a sampler. As the pictures I had seen upon that point mostly consist of producers with one machine, as the technological marvel everything originated from.

A lot of the time this was an Akai S950 or MPC. Then I discovered a book in the library which had interviews in it with all sorts of producers and Dj’s in their studio’s.

This was a real page turner for me and the first time I saw that there was a lot more equipment involved than just one machine. I couldn’t remember the title but some of the artists featured in the book where 808 state, A guy called Gerald and many others.

It was in the very beginning of the acid house explosion in the UK. So it must have been around 1987/88 when the book was released. Searching for it has not been easy and I haven’t found it yet. Tips are very welcome.

Shortly thereafter I found a magazine called Sound on Sound, which was very expensive for me at the time, so I tried reading it in the bookstore and write down as many interesting things as I could.

Another big thing were instrument folders, Which you could read and learn a thing or two about what everything could do. Information was scarce in those days. Some music shops were reluctant to pass out these folders to youngsters like me which obviously couldn’t afford these instruments back then. Others, which had more of an eye for future business, made sure they had enough material to pass out. And indeed my first purchase was with a shop that did.

Important lesson learned, be nice to other people, it’s the best investment you will ever do.

A few years later Future music arrived in the shops. Cheaper than Sound on Sound and more accessible, for me at least. The best thing about Future music where the artist interviews and the pictures. I think I learned a lot from just studying the pictures. A great magazine and one I looked forward to every month. At some point there was even a Dutch version.

Ever since those days I am still reading Future music & sound on sound. This week Future music announced they will stop producing the magazine. Although I had switched to the digital version I always had a subscription and still looked forward to each new issue every month. Just like I did when I was a kid. Call me nostalgic but I like the format, the pictures and the way information comes to you at a slower pace. The online world might suite a lot of people better nowadays and the way information is available is great. But it also has another side, things disappear when people stop hosting them, what if YouTube shuts down and all the tutorials vanish?

The physical form, whether it is a book, a magazine, a record, always ingrains itself differently into the brain. I can’t count the number of times I flipped trough old issues of Future music to find an interview or read something about a technical subject. It’s your personal library which you can organize the way it works for you. With the disappearance of yet another publication this ability to build and maintain my own library is diminished.

Which to me is sad. As it is an invaluable part of how people really learn and internalize things.