recovery – Page 2

Running, recovery and the Amsterdam marathon

Running , recovery and life’s goals. During my revalidation period it quickly became apparent that exercise is good for your brain and helps a lot in recovering it. Well , no need to tell me twice. Dug out my running shoes and I thought I was starting out slowly.

As I’ve mentioned before this was way too much , way too soon. So after a while I done myself in and had to resort back too walking. Luckily after a while I was able too get back to running and it became the cornerstone in my recovery, rest and relaxation. Running clears my mind quite literally form the endless thinking, impulses and mental fatigue.

It’s simply putting one foot before the other. All went well until I picked up the pace. I fell pretty bad twice in one week. Shaving my knees and arms pretty bad. My shoes were worn a bit, new ones were in order. In the store the video pointed out a few problems , one my movement was not going forward enough.

I was holding myself back as if I wanted to go backwards, second problem was my left leg and feet lagged behind. I needed a better stride and better running techniques.

While very solid advice this was not as easy as it sounds , being a right handed guy and always avoiding using my left side I at first had not noticed there was a problem. Maybe another left-over from my encephalitis or just old habits dying hard. Whatever it was I needed better skills. My falling down skills very even worse.

Training in new running movement and getting my left side in check was a bit difficult. Step by step I improved and I didn’t fall flat on my face any more. Which was very important.
An added bonus was that my running required less energy then before , making training easier and more pleasurable. So I decided digging up a training plan for the marathon. I decided going for a simple and effective plan focused on making the necessary miles and exploring if I could manage the training load without overdoing myself.

My running improved vastly and I decided registering for a marathon if I could get trough the series of 30+ K sessions. And not just physically but also mentally. A glimpse on the calender showed the Amsterdam marathon was the best option. After the longer distances my confidence was big enough to take the plunge, I registered.

The week leading up to the marathon my nerves got going, mostly if I could cope mentally. Will I be able to handle all the noise and hustle and bustle surrounding the event ? What if I don’t know what to do any more and need to get out? Checked the route and picked a few points where I could give up and fairly easy return towards the start/finish. And all of sudden it Sunday came knocking.

Waking up I was very nervous , but after a nice breakfast and the walk towards the Olympic stadium my nerves settled a bit. Once I got inside I did a warm-up and headed for my starting position.
Fortunately it wasn’t too busy and there was plenty of room. From the start on the tempo was pretty spot on, first highlight the Vondelpark and the running under the Rijksmuseum. Until the 28 K it went very supple , at 30 K the temperature had risen and I became hot. At that point I didn’t pay any attention to what my watch was saying and the focus went towards simply keeping the tempo as best as I could.

At 35/36 cramps in my calves, after a few hundred metres it went away, again at 41 and I had to slow down a bit but I managed too keep running. The finish in the Olympic stadium is very cool. I just didn’t believe the race-timer. After the finish line I was just thrilled that I completed the distance.

My final time was an absolute surprise, 3:17:15, a personal best. Very special and just now , 2 days after it’s slowly sinking in, I have come a long way, sometimes not very aware of my situation but slowly learning and getting more aware.

You run into personal barriers and nobody really knows an definite solution to your problems and if and when it will get better. They give you structure and a framework , the rest is up to you , perseverance and patience is all you can do really.

Running is the one thing I feel I am in total control. And besides helping me get trough the week it’s also the one thing I can visibly improve in.

I never imagined running another marathon , yet I did it. I am a very happy person.

How running saved my life.

How Running saved my life, and still does. As most of you know by now in the beginning of 2016 I suffered an encephalitis. Which I survived because of my physical condition and the quick response by my girlfriend and parents. But without my condition even that swift response probably wouldn’t have been swift enough.

After my return from hospital my main concern was keeping my newly acquired job, which I enjoyed a lot. In the back of my head I knew it was too big a strain on my energy and it wasn’t the best thing to do but I went full steam ahead. Jobs are important and I wasn’t giving up. At the revalidation centre it was noticed I was way too tired but from my own perspective I already was taking it way to easy.

Anyway at the end of June my contract ended and I finally had to let go. Resulting in lots of time in bed and on the couch sleeping and resting. This was brick wall I had slammed into.
Physically and mentally this is very hard. After my contract ended I could really put my focus on my revalidation. Only now I understood what the phrase “taking it really easy, one small step at a time” meant for me.

Mentally it gets dark really fast,because all the fatigue is coming out at once , your mind tends to play games. It’s now really up to you to find the motivation to get up, make a plan and stick to it.
Work gives that routine automatically. It’s the start of a grieving period, all at once.

Basically the same mistake I made with one of my greatest hobby’s , running. It helped push the fatigue away for a few hours and made me think I could beat it. Once I had crashed I also had to put running aside for a while.
But In this case I had experience with over-training and runner fatigue. So out with the old plans and I started to make new ones. Targeted at just enjoying walking and some short and slow runs. It really helped me in countering the darkness in my mind and it helps in balancing those episodes out. The training schedule also helps creating a nice framework to organise your days around.

It keeps you physically and mentally healthy, so running is in a lot of ways still saving my life.

Why a crisis can be good for you, just don’t wait for one.

Why a crisis can be good for you, it’s a thought I had last week and it’s one that stuck. In my life I have had a few setbacks. At that time they seemed much more like a crisis to me.

Because I didn’t know or understand a real crisis. One where you can’t make a plan to get out of the situation fast and you have no real control or feeling of control over the majority of the circumstances. A health crisis is one that meets those criteria, and I can argue there is worse. And it make me think a lot about what I want to do with the rest of my life.

I always looked at time as an infinite factor, or didn’t think about it. I just rushed trough it, as I wrote before did as many things as possible without real and intense focus.
So what has this done for me other than a desire and need to focus. Well it made me think about my ‘career’, I have always worked in IT and did various tasks developing software which were fun and enjoyable without all the politics that go with it. It also never contributed to society as a whole.

Being confronted with my health and all the work that goes into recovery also made me appreciate people working in healthcare or other fields that contribute a bit more to society a lot more.
I never really thought about working in one of those fields, be it in healthcare, environmental work, research, education or some other more useful occupation. I have been talking about it a few years back with people about some of the ideas I had for a career switch involving a bit more social and a bit less career and money. Like a mid-life crisis of sorts feeling useless in general and wanting to be more active and beneficial for others. But hey, the next good job came along and the daily routine took over again. Just doing what you have always done feels comfortable. Change scares me, simple as that.

This time it really feels different, not just a general feeling but a real conviction I need to make this change. Not just because of the limitations I am currently experiencing, those can still improve, but a real gut feeling I need to add some value to the overall well being of society, even if I can only make a difference for a few people I would be happy.

I have always been fortunate enough with the way I grew up, the chances I got in life and the opportunities I had, which enabled me to get a good education, a nice job and a good overall understanding of how things work and how to go about setting your goals and make them happen. I utilized these skills for me, myself and I (An excellent De la Soul song as well, with a different message altogether).

I have experienced first hand the importance of good guidance and help in life , and especially when you go through a crisis in any form. Not just from the people around you but from experienced professionals as well. Without the help of those people I would have ended up pushing my limits and ultimately being exhausted and repeating my mistakes over and over without any insight how too manage this. It would be a road too nowhere. So in my journey towards a new job I will make it a priority that it helps people one way or the other.

I would like too encourage anyone to take a good look at themselves once in a while and figure out what really makes you happy and what it is you want to do with your time. If it’s not found in the things you are doing now start changing them now. Take small steps towards your new found goals and enjoy each step. Don’t wait until the next real crisis, as it can very easily be your last. It’s not easy, but it’s worth it.

Redesigning everyday life – Start climbing

Last week I got permission to start a reintegration project with a foundation that specializes in people with brain damage and getting them back to work, or other meaningful social activity.
My work with the revalidation centre is almost done , I can manage my day to day life pretty well without going into the red. It still takes a lot of careful consideration and planning. But for now it’s more than enough to manage daily things. Next step will be getting back to work, with specialized help, which is paramount. At the recovery centre they do not have this kind of expertise as their focus is on the day to day.

So it was important to get the approval of the government body that issues my social benefits as they need to pay for it. In the old days, before the new law my employer would be responsible for my salary, recovery etc for 2,5 years. Since I just switched jobs and only had my second short term contract out of three maximum, with the new law the government takes this responsibility, and must make sure I get back to work instead of the employer as my contract ended.

the idea behind this law is to reduce the risk for employers and make sure more people get long term contracts. In real life a lot of people only get the 3 short term contracts and then get replaced, especially with generic work. The new law works it’s magic, but that’s another discussion altogether. Just some background to sketch my situation.

So with the government now has taken on the role of employer , I have to make sure everything I want to do and has to do with work related recovery has to be approved. So last week I had a meeting with my case manager and I told my story, and why I already wanted to get a head start with this new trajectory. The main issue is that all things recovery are going slow. And if I want to take the full effect I need to get started.

My case manager understood this perfectly and has worked it out very fast, so last Friday I got the OK and tomorrow I will have my first intake meeting, and hopefully get started quickly. I am looking forward to it as it’s a new step. I can now go forward again. Learning that all things take time was very valuable.

I am now back in the valley , it’s time to start climbing the mountain.

Focus find it and keep it

Focus is something I lack these days, not general focus but the ability too focus on a task for a long time. This wasn’t always the case, as I mentioned before my main fault was in wanting to do to much things that required a lot of focus. Now that that problem is out of the way I needed to get started with developing new projects. I have now come up with a very short list of things I want to do in the coming months, other then recovering.

First thing on the list is writing, simply because it’s the most relaxing thing I have been doing lately. It helps tremendously in calming me down and shaping a form of order in my sometimes chaotic head.

The second thing is getting my physical condition back on track, just as I got back to a nice level my knee gave in and I my running was halted. Now the knee feels solid enough to start working out again, no running yet as I want a final check to make sure it’s not damaged in any way. But some strength and core training I will be planning for the next few weeks to get my blood pumping a bit. And that’s it. No more no less.

There are other projects on the list but for now this is it. The projects are clear and manageable. Which is important. My targets are modest. For writing I want too work on a blog post every day and publish one a week. I will write about stuff that inspires me , gives me energy and helps me in my personal development.

In this process I am also making some minor adjustments, like turning off the sound of my phone so I don’t get distracted. Leaving computers off and only write on paper. Setting very small goals and hitting them. This should help in increasing the focus. It’s very interesting because on a larger scale cutting back and planning already have been producing good results. So on we go.

Minimalism

Watched “Minimalism: A Documentary About the Important Things”, on minimalism. Short version of the definition is living a meaningful life with less. Less stuff, meaning less material possessions, and stop the never-ending chase of more stuff.

Giving more space for time , perusing life goals , and focussing on experiences and way less on chasing materials possessions. I have been interested in this subject for a while now. The documentary outlines the trade off between time , money, material possessions and valuation of these items in life. So If I buy this product, what will this add to my life. It’s not advertising getting rid of all of your stuff. Just ask the question will owning this make me happier. For example , my record collection is an ongoing source of happiness, listening to the records, feeling the records, cataloguing them (yes even that) makes me happy. So should I get rid of them, no. Because they add value to my life. That’s the important question.

It’s not about living out of a suitcase and owning nothing, it’s about making life interesting, intriguing and happier when you get rid of the things that don’t add value to your life. Changing your way of thinking and getting out of the more and bigger is better rat race , rewards you with more time spend on things you value the most. It reduces your financial obligations and lowers the need for a high paid and high stress job as well as the need to finance your life , or should we say lifestyle.

It’s interesting because when thinking about it, you work hard , have less free time and what do we do in general, we spent our hard earned money as fast as possible in our limited free time. And the race continues. Advertising and popular culture creates this goal people trying to achieve, whether it is consciously or not. And a lot of people seem on auto pilot in that direction in one way or the other.

Trying to think about life differently is hard, for me it is anyway. Because ‘success’ is still measured with your job, financial position and stuff you own. While it should be measured by what makes you happy in life, not what society’s definition of a happy and successful life is. Food for thought.

What’s better ?

What’s better?, interesting question. While having less energy too spend on any given task it also has advantages. I used to do a lot of things simultaneously and as fast as possible , because I wanted to do a lot. I find a lot of stuff worth doing or exploring. And it’s a lot of fun. Learning new stuff. As a result I never really found the focus to concentrate on one particular thing. I always did it all, let’s take hobby’s as an example. I like too listen to music, make music , photography, writing and drawing. Mostly I only did one of these things for an hour a week at most.

This week I looked trough old files I found in a back-up, bits and pieces of sketches, unfinished music and maps of photo’s that never really went anywhere. As I am searching for new ways too train my brain and expanding my focus it needs to be a small task which can easily be cut into very small pieces. Well any of my hobby’s will do this just fine. I have some musical instruments I haven’t mastered yet, this can be nicely done in 10 minute intervals. Editing photo’s or reading about how it actually works can also be cut into little pieces. And writing as well.

By being limited I can now focus better on one thing at a time , and not allow my brain to go all over the place. Because it’s simply too exhausting. When working on stuff for just 10 minutes you need to define the task to strict boundaries. Which has helped creativity enormously. Less is more is really true , well for me now anyway.

What else has become better, time spend with friends and family. Which has always been very valuable, but now I appreciate it much more. This sounds very very cliché , I know. But it’s true. So everyone, you know who you are, Thanks for spending the time and being patient with me.

The time I can now spend on actually working on the recovery has been a better experience then I thought it would be, It’s given me insight in myself and I am now figuring out what’s important. One thing I learned is that everybody needs some time to figure stuff out, taking real rest and moments for reflection. So I encourage everyone to really do this. Not just for an hour but regularly and consistently over time, rest and think about life, it’s worth it.

Writing really helps

Writing seems to really help me sorting out my thoughts and get a clear view. Being unable to do basic problem solving I now write everything down. Mostly on paper.

I also work like this when writing my blogs. I make notes and then work on them over and over again. I can manage these writing sessions pretty well, and they are relaxing.
I am not yet very good at it, but it seems like a nice activity to expand. It can be done almost everywhere , on my own time and when I have enough energy to do it.

As this blog seems like a nice but bit ancient way to get my thoughts out there I will go forward and try to at least write something once a week. I don’t know If that’s a pace I can keep up but it’s worth a try. Only thing to figure out next is how to get anyone to read my ramblings.

Missing the action

Slowly adapting to my new self I am almost confident enough declaring the following , my energy management system works !
Yes it took a lot of time and painstaking tweaking but I now now what I can and can’t do on a given day.

The next step will be figuring out how to up the ante a bit. And the most important part of all , sticking with the slow progress mantra.

I have some experience and some perseverance when it comes to getting things done, for example running , following a nice training plan and feeling the progress almost every step. If I see a clearcut goal I can really get into most stuff and follow my plan. If I think it’s for a well defined and reachable goal.

My biggest asset has always been my ability to break my own boundaries, and thus by doing that almost all the time I reached the majority of my goals.

As I have mentioned before now it’s more important to manage the energy and reach goals without breaking any boundaries. Which for me is as hard as it gets. But I never fully realized this.

Working on stuff until late really made me feel alive, whether this was the smart thing to do , I found the grind very enjoyable.

It made me feel buzzed in some way, working hard and hitting targets is addictive, I now know it is. And after having a few brushes when pushing too hard I always found my way back to it. Even when a lot of the daily stuff is mundane and boring, I now tend to miss the action and dare I say the stress.

Funny how life works , last couple of years I tried to minimize the action and stressful parts of my work and going back to the fun stuff , but how ?

Well mother nature found a way, and in doing so made me realize that I needed too constantly pushing myself, turns out I never wanted too loose the action. I was somehow addicted too it. It’s also the thing I miss the most lately, I read an old ‘Bucket list’ when researching what to do next, and It was full of great stuff I wanted too do , and some I already started. When reading it I also realized that taking on one item off that list would be a massive undertaking, especially doing it in a way not to fall into my own trap of going non stop until it’s done.

I have never been the smartest kid in the room , but by methodically working on stuff and simply putting in the hours I managed most of the time. It has been my greatest asset. Pushing my limits and figuring the rest out as I go. I can no longer rely on this. By learning to do everything ‘slow’ it sucked the fun out of it a bit. The action so to say. It’s a bit terrifying knowing I will not be able to get that part back.

It’s also the automatic braking system I always needed, I more than ever need to pick my battles. It opens up a lot of creativity and possibilities. Figuring out how to apply this is the next step. Progress is here to stay.

Redesigning everyday life – Change

Change, it’s slowly but surely making it’s way into my everyday life, a change that I meet with resistance one time and embrace on other moments. I am now getting better results from my new planning system and also being a lot more aware of my energy. A challenge is too really relax and take it one day at the time. It’s mostly the day to day stuff that’s getting better. Less crazy dips when I should have been able to avoid those. The avoiding is going well, after being inside for almost a complete week due to a knee injury I found that staying inside actually helped in controlling the amount of incentives , consequently I kept avoiding going outside. Which I am now doing a again every day. I can’t stay inside all the time, so I am now picking that up again. It’s also important too maintain a social life and keep connecting with people. Also something I need to focus on more. The new way of distributing my energy should yield a better base line and more stability in the next 3 or 4 months. After this point I can gradually increase my activities.

With all day to day stuff going better I slowly need too look ahead. I am now trying to get permission to get a coach with a lot of experience in getting people with cognitive problems back to work, since I am now receiving payment via the government they have too approve this. So hopefully I will have a meeting within the next few weeks. So I can get this started.

So all in all many good things, in many small steps.