Tag: recovery

Running, a new goal.

I love running, I also need it as a way for clearing my head and stay as fit as possible in order to be able to manage day to day activity and keep my balance. As I have mentioned before, after my brain injury , my running prior to the accident saved my life. And it also gave me tools for persisting during my revalidation process.

As with running revalidation starts and ends with keeping at it, and with most things in life this helps a great deal. Being conditioned this way has helped me true rough patches and kept me sane during periods when my brain simply gave in. So all in all running means a great deal in my life.

For this year I am going to write more about running and my day to day with brain damage. As a lot of people can’t really imagine the effects it has on life. But I am starting out with running. I have ran a few marathons and my personal best is 3:17:22 seconds. Which I am very happy with.

Ever since I have ran this fast I am contemplating if it’s possible to run a sub 3 hour marathon. In my case getting 18:17 seconds off my personal best. Which is a bit steep. But if I don’t try I will never know. So I am starting a journey which hopefully gets me under the famous 3 hour barrier.

I have said it , I want to run a marathon under 3 hours. And now you can all help me do this. Any training , nutrition and general tips are more then welcome ! Let’s go!

Portfolio news – Winter 2018

Time for another portfolio news. Since the last additions I have been going out of the fossil energy industry and reinvested the funds into technology and the ETF’s. I had still had Shell, sold ONEOK before that and now it was time to remove Shell from the portfolio. It’s a nice dividend income and for all their commercials and PR towards clean energy I haven’t really seen anything apart from sponsorships. No real moves as of yet. In name an Energy company, in practice still a old style oil giant. I realize I am still an investor by the way of the ETF, so I am not completely clean at the moment. But this is the first step.

Also out is General Electric, one of my longest holdings in the portfolio, and one I neglected acting on earlier which resulted in a loss, another testament towards simply buying an ETF and holding that instead of following separate companies. But I am still having fun doing the research, so for now I will keep adding some handpicked stocks to my portfolio.

As for technology , more ASML, Apple and Microsoft have been bought. Next on the list is Philips. Getting larger in healthcare which will remain a growing market, it’s been lagging a bit lately and now starts making up a bit. So I will start out with writing put options and seeing how things develop.

The ETF’s have seen the biggest growth in my portfolio, simply because it’s easy and cheap. Which comes a long way in having a nice return in the future. Low costs and simplicity is key. Its also remarkably stable. My handpicked portfolio goes up and down a lot more, which makes sense because it only contains a few positions versus hundreds combined in an ETF.

So my testcase is more and more in favor of the ETF’s , which I will be allocating more money towards in 2019.

The ups and downs

Mostly I try and write about all the positive stuff that’s been happening in my recovery and life. Sometimes however the tides go against me. In those periods I don’t have the energy too write about it nor do I want too look like I am complaining in any way shape or form.

But as with everything on the good ol’ interwebz painting a positive picture and not talk about the downsides is misleading and for others in the same situation and not much of a realistic picture. So I am going to try and write more about everything I my life related too my brain damage and the consequences.

In the past weeks I have done many fun things , all nicely planned and most of them went well. I let the planning slip and took less and less rest. And I didn’t listen too my girlfriend’s advice on taking it easy and going slow.

That in itself should have been enough of a warning. Just ignored it basically. Well that didn’t last long. Talking for example slowly went from bad to worse and concentration went downhill fast. So at the end last week I was stopped and my brain had had enough.

Which means everything gets hard. The basics of day to day life is suddenly more complex than complex algebra. It basically means getting out of bed is hard and getting off the couch is even harder. You simply need too take a lot of rest.

So a lot of rest later and some running again got me back up. Still it’s a bit fuzzy but all in all I am back, and I really need to get back to planning.

Dusseldorf citytrip

Another experiment in my never-ending quest in how far can I take it without failing miserably. A citytrip to lovely Dusseldorf. And as with a lot of citytrips over the years , another marathon. My third Dusseldorf marathon. Preparations were not ideal. I could not escape the flu and I hurt my left leg during a random walking down the stairs, resulting in a bruised left calf. Hopefully I recovered just enough.

Combined with the anticipation of a long travel and hustle and bustle of a big city I was pretty nervous. But we were prepared, planned a full day for both the journeys , Saturdays an empty day , so staying sharp en fit for the marathon should be doable.

the outward journey didn’t go with the fast ICE due to maintenance , so we went with the regular train services. First off to Venlo, then a simple stop at every stop you can find train towards Dusseldorf. The trip went well and we arrived at noon. Luckily the room was ready and we just took it easy the rest of the afternoon.

We went for a walk and a lunch in the city , got my racing number and just walked around a bit. We ended up passing a truly giant supermarket just around the corner from our hotel. Got some breakfast stuff once we found it and took a break at the hotel. Late in the afternoon we went to our favorite Burger restaurant in Medienhafen.

Saturday morning after breakfast we went to Niederkassel for some relaxing and to visit the Japanese garden. Unfortunately it openend hours later so we went on a walk around the neighborhood. With a bit of coffee and cake on the way. A very beautiful place too live indeed. Lot’s of green , parks and cool houses. And very close to the city centre. Happy few only I’m afraid. After the nice walk we went back towards the city, grabbing lunch at our favorite breakfast lunch spot. It’s still there !

Back to the hotel after getting some supplies from the mega Edeka. Taking the afternoon to catch some sleep and make sure I get enough rest. Even dinner at the hotel with fresh salads bread and deserts and getting a nice early rest. Tomorrow is marathon day !

Sunday morning, marathon d-day, nerves are definitely at their post. Early breakfast and preparation time. Main question of the day is , do I have enough endurance to get to the finish line without breaking down at some point. Only one way to find out.

We walk towards the start , which is at 9:00 in the morning, via Altstadt where the last remaining people are kindly swept out of the bars. There was a bit of a celebration in the city due to the promotion of Fortuna Dusseldorf on Saturday.

This being a relatively small marathon, about 4000 runners, there is plenty of space to do a nice warm up at the start and my girlfriend is able to be at the starting grid. I did a few test sprints to see how well my left leg felt. It felt good which added to the confidence a bit

About 10 minutes before the start I get in my starting position and it starts to rain a bit. Because of the course spectators can actually see the runners a lot , the course returns in a small part of town a couple of times so they can easily walk and be on time at different points in the race. Fun and good for moral.

Een 10 minuten voor de start zoek ik mijn startvak op en begint het wat te regenen. Mijn vriendin kan gezellig naast het vak staan en gaat even later naar het eerste punt, door de opzet waarbij je steeds weer terugkomt in een klein deel van de stad is het ideaal voor toeschouwers en kunnen ze de lopers vaak voorbij zien komen. Leuk en goed voor de moraal.

It’s there start , and the running can begin, all nerves went away immediately , which always happens when I start running. I am in a group with pacers who have 3:14 as a goal. I know that is a bit of a stretch for me but for now the pace is good and being in a group provides some heat. Which is great because of the increasing rain. My liquid intake isn’t great apparently because I have to take 4 restroom breaks along the way. First 2 times I got back with the group but I gave up on that because it took too much of my energy.

I am in a good pace and feel good, I take a drink at every stop and some gels and bananas. While running thru Niederkassel and Oberkassel the rain really starts pouring and I am soaked and a bit cold. Mainly on the return trip over the bridge. I still maintain a nice pace, After 30 K my legs het heavy and I can’t keep the pace. Which is fine by me and I decide not too force anything and stay in one piece. Just maintaining pace as much as possible which works great. In my mind I reached the giant 40 K sticker on the road pretty fast and the sun has started drying me and warming me up. Which is nice. The final stretch downhill towards the finish line and I am there. As usual my muscles immediately stop working after crossing the finish line, which is always a bit of a strange feeling. As is the time my watch tells me 3:21:11, en new course record. For me that is. I am extremely pleased , not one moment of pain or troubles along the way. Race seemed over before I knew it. Another milestone , in experience and running.

After the finish we find each other again and go for a curryworst lunch. Getting some food in is always great. Afterwards we walk back to the hotel and the sun is still shining. At the end of the afternoon we go to Medienhafen and get a drink and some sunshine. It’s hot by now. We walk back to the hotel via an unknown part of the city which has nice shops and restaurants. A new discovery for future visits.

Dinner is at a Thai restaurant near the hotel and an early bed , travel time tomorrow. Weather the next day is bad , well luckily travel time which went well as well and we are back home in the afternoon.

This citytrip went well and has given me a lot of insight in how to plan a trip. Running a great marathon was a very nice bonus. This learning experience has given me a lot of hope in getting on with our main hobby. Traveling.

2 years on

2 years on, seems like an eternity since my encephalitis, but today marks the two year anniversary of my hospital discharge. Could be a day sooner or later but that can’t dampen the spirit.

On this blog I have written about my recovery and the strange road I have been traveling ever since. A very short recap, 1 year of revalidation, a move too calmer surroundings, a new work experience place at Utrecht University , lot’s of learning and luckily lots of running. With the Amsterdam marathon as the cherry on the cake.

Has it all been happy days then ? Not quite , my short term memory regularly abandons me , and my operational speed isn’t very speedy anymore. Speech wise word juggling happens, as in random words in sentences, Yoda like sentences and just plain gibberish also occur. I can manage around this pretty well and every time I meet someone new I try and find an opening quickly explaining the reason behind possible errors in conversation.

That’s the practical side of things , it’s still very strange not to have a ‘real job’ , as in some sort of control over your career , future and possibilities. It makes me feel very dependent of other people and policies. Maybe control has always been an illusion in a way but at the moment I feel powerless sometimes. It’s also not a position I have chosen to be in, like when you take a year of for a trip around the world.

I have enough time behind recovering behind me that I understand that this is as good as it gets. I will have recovery periodes for every daily or not so daily activity in my life.

I sometimes compare it with pro sports, you have to keep training and take into account very parameter in order too stay sharp and fit. Slacking for a few days and forgetting about the balance between activity and recovery and it takes its toll.

Ik ben nu ver genoeg in mijn herstel om te beseffen dat het niet heel veel beter gaat worden dan dat het nu is.
Ik zal altijd rekening moeten houden met herstelperiodes voor allerlei dagelijkse en niet alledaagse zaken.

It kind of takes the spontaneity out of life a little. Just take a short unplanned weekend trip is out of the question. Getting something you forgot during shopping, not that smart. It forces you planning everything you don’t want to plan.

I am fully aware of the fact I’m very lucky and privileged in simply being alive and in the shape I am in.
I just need too accept the fact the old ways of doing things is no longer available.

It’s also taught me time is only there in an unknown quantity enjoy it while you can.

Running, recovery and the Amsterdam marathon

Running , recovery and life’s goals. During my revalidation period it quickly became apparent that exercise is good for your brain and helps a lot in recovering it. Well , no need to tell me twice. Dug out my running shoes and I thought I was starting out slowly.

As I’ve mentioned before this was way too much , way too soon. So after a while I done myself in and had to resort back too walking. Luckily after a while I was able too get back to running and it became the cornerstone in my recovery, rest and relaxation. Running clears my mind quite literally form the endless thinking, impulses and mental fatigue.

It’s simply putting one foot before the other. All went well until I picked up the pace. I fell pretty bad twice in one week. Shaving my knees and arms pretty bad. My shoes were worn a bit, new ones were in order. In the store the video pointed out a few problems , one my movement was not going forward enough.

I was holding myself back as if I wanted to go backwards, second problem was my left leg and feet lagged behind. I needed a better stride and better running techniques.

While very solid advice this was not as easy as it sounds , being a right handed guy and always avoiding using my left side I at first had not noticed there was a problem. Maybe another left-over from my encephalitis or just old habits dying hard. Whatever it was I needed better skills. My falling down skills very even worse.

Training in new running movement and getting my left side in check was a bit difficult. Step by step I improved and I didn’t fall flat on my face any more. Which was very important.
An added bonus was that my running required less energy then before , making training easier and more pleasurable. So I decided digging up a training plan for the marathon. I decided going for a simple and effective plan focused on making the necessary miles and exploring if I could manage the training load without overdoing myself.

My running improved vastly and I decided registering for a marathon if I could get trough the series of 30+ K sessions. And not just physically but also mentally. A glimpse on the calender showed the Amsterdam marathon was the best option. After the longer distances my confidence was big enough to take the plunge, I registered.

The week leading up to the marathon my nerves got going, mostly if I could cope mentally. Will I be able to handle all the noise and hustle and bustle surrounding the event ? What if I don’t know what to do any more and need to get out? Checked the route and picked a few points where I could give up and fairly easy return towards the start/finish. And all of sudden it Sunday came knocking.

Waking up I was very nervous , but after a nice breakfast and the walk towards the Olympic stadium my nerves settled a bit. Once I got inside I did a warm-up and headed for my starting position.
Fortunately it wasn’t too busy and there was plenty of room. From the start on the tempo was pretty spot on, first highlight the Vondelpark and the running under the Rijksmuseum. Until the 28 K it went very supple , at 30 K the temperature had risen and I became hot. At that point I didn’t pay any attention to what my watch was saying and the focus went towards simply keeping the tempo as best as I could.

At 35/36 cramps in my calves, after a few hundred metres it went away, again at 41 and I had to slow down a bit but I managed too keep running. The finish in the Olympic stadium is very cool. I just didn’t believe the race-timer. After the finish line I was just thrilled that I completed the distance.

My final time was an absolute surprise, 3:17:15, a personal best. Very special and just now , 2 days after it’s slowly sinking in, I have come a long way, sometimes not very aware of my situation but slowly learning and getting more aware.

You run into personal barriers and nobody really knows an definite solution to your problems and if and when it will get better. They give you structure and a framework , the rest is up to you , perseverance and patience is all you can do really.

Running is the one thing I feel I am in total control. And besides helping me get trough the week it’s also the one thing I can visibly improve in.

I never imagined running another marathon , yet I did it. I am a very happy person.

How running saved my life.

How Running saved my life, and still does. As most of you know by now in the beginning of 2016 I suffered an encephalitis. Which I survived because of my physical condition and the quick response by my girlfriend and parents. But without my condition even that swift response probably wouldn’t have been swift enough.

After my return from hospital my main concern was keeping my newly acquired job, which I enjoyed a lot. In the back of my head I knew it was too big a strain on my energy and it wasn’t the best thing to do but I went full steam ahead. Jobs are important and I wasn’t giving up. At the revalidation centre it was noticed I was way too tired but from my own perspective I already was taking it way to easy.

Anyway at the end of June my contract ended and I finally had to let go. Resulting in lots of time in bed and on the couch sleeping and resting. This was brick wall I had slammed into.
Physically and mentally this is very hard. After my contract ended I could really put my focus on my revalidation. Only now I understood what the phrase “taking it really easy, one small step at a time” meant for me.

Mentally it gets dark really fast,because all the fatigue is coming out at once , your mind tends to play games. It’s now really up to you to find the motivation to get up, make a plan and stick to it.
Work gives that routine automatically. It’s the start of a grieving period, all at once.

Basically the same mistake I made with one of my greatest hobby’s , running. It helped push the fatigue away for a few hours and made me think I could beat it. Once I had crashed I also had to put running aside for a while.
But In this case I had experience with over-training and runner fatigue. So out with the old plans and I started to make new ones. Targeted at just enjoying walking and some short and slow runs. It really helped me in countering the darkness in my mind and it helps in balancing those episodes out. The training schedule also helps creating a nice framework to organise your days around.

It keeps you physically and mentally healthy, so running is in a lot of ways still saving my life.

Running again

After a couple of months of knee problems and general fatigue I did a little run this past Tuesday, just to see if my knee would hold up. It did. It was a bit sore the day after but not in ways it was before. I could walk normally without any pain and put pressure on my knee. So now I can slowly pick up running again. And start building some strength in my knee with some nice and boring exercises.

It felt good to out running again and I realized how much I missed it and how big the impact is on my mind. Just that slow 30 minutes running made me feel so much better. Strange how this works.
I am now working on a nice little training schedule, 3 times a week for now and some core training. Already found a few inspiring running books to read while I am working on my fitness.
It’s nice to know I can stick to a plan again.

Redesigning everyday life – Start climbing

Last week I got permission to start a reintegration project with a foundation that specializes in people with brain damage and getting them back to work, or other meaningful social activity.
My work with the revalidation centre is almost done , I can manage my day to day life pretty well without going into the red. It still takes a lot of careful consideration and planning. But for now it’s more than enough to manage daily things. Next step will be getting back to work, with specialized help, which is paramount. At the recovery centre they do not have this kind of expertise as their focus is on the day to day.

So it was important to get the approval of the government body that issues my social benefits as they need to pay for it. In the old days, before the new law my employer would be responsible for my salary, recovery etc for 2,5 years. Since I just switched jobs and only had my second short term contract out of three maximum, with the new law the government takes this responsibility, and must make sure I get back to work instead of the employer as my contract ended.

the idea behind this law is to reduce the risk for employers and make sure more people get long term contracts. In real life a lot of people only get the 3 short term contracts and then get replaced, especially with generic work. The new law works it’s magic, but that’s another discussion altogether. Just some background to sketch my situation.

So with the government now has taken on the role of employer , I have to make sure everything I want to do and has to do with work related recovery has to be approved. So last week I had a meeting with my case manager and I told my story, and why I already wanted to get a head start with this new trajectory. The main issue is that all things recovery are going slow. And if I want to take the full effect I need to get started.

My case manager understood this perfectly and has worked it out very fast, so last Friday I got the OK and tomorrow I will have my first intake meeting, and hopefully get started quickly. I am looking forward to it as it’s a new step. I can now go forward again. Learning that all things take time was very valuable.

I am now back in the valley , it’s time to start climbing the mountain.

Focus find it and keep it

Focus is something I lack these days, not general focus but the ability too focus on a task for a long time. This wasn’t always the case, as I mentioned before my main fault was in wanting to do to much things that required a lot of focus. Now that that problem is out of the way I needed to get started with developing new projects. I have now come up with a very short list of things I want to do in the coming months, other then recovering.

First thing on the list is writing, simply because it’s the most relaxing thing I have been doing lately. It helps tremendously in calming me down and shaping a form of order in my sometimes chaotic head.

The second thing is getting my physical condition back on track, just as I got back to a nice level my knee gave in and I my running was halted. Now the knee feels solid enough to start working out again, no running yet as I want a final check to make sure it’s not damaged in any way. But some strength and core training I will be planning for the next few weeks to get my blood pumping a bit. And that’s it. No more no less.

There are other projects on the list but for now this is it. The projects are clear and manageable. Which is important. My targets are modest. For writing I want too work on a blog post every day and publish one a week. I will write about stuff that inspires me , gives me energy and helps me in my personal development.

In this process I am also making some minor adjustments, like turning off the sound of my phone so I don’t get distracted. Leaving computers off and only write on paper. Setting very small goals and hitting them. This should help in increasing the focus. It’s very interesting because on a larger scale cutting back and planning already have been producing good results. So on we go.